雅思写作真题剑桥8 Test4小作文实例批改丨附考官范文.docx

作文题目：剑桥8Test4小作文
ThegraphbelowshowsthequantitiesofgoodstransportedintheUKbetween1974and2002byfourdifferentmodesoftransport.Summarisetheinformationbyselectingandreportingthemainfeatures,andmakecomparisonswhererelevant.

考生原文
ThelinediagramwhichindicatesthegoodstransportedinUKbetween(1974)and(2002),accordingtodifferentwaysoftransportandthetonnestheycarried.
Amongtheselines,waterandrailbothstartwiththesimilarvalue40milliontonnesat1974.After4years,theamountsofgoodsthatcarriedbyshiphadanincrease.However,theamountsthattransportedbytrainswentdown.Thoughwaterlinehadadecreasefrom1982to1998,theoverallvalueofitalwaysabovetherailline.
Themostobviouslinewhichcanfindonthetopofchartisthequantityofgoodsthattransportedbyroad.Itheldthehighestpositionduring28years(startat78tonnesandfinishat98tonnes).Turningtothebottomofthechart,theblackstraightlinerevealthepipeline.Itisclearthattheblacklinehadtwoclimbingpoints,butitisstilltheminimumfigure.
Overall,thechartdemonstratesthatthetechnologyisdeveloping.Becauseallthelineshaveapositivegradientorthefinalvalueisgreaterthanstartvalue.
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Test4
Thelinediagram（线图的规范叫法为linegraph或者graph）which(本句结构正常，无需插入which,也难以构成定语从句)indicatesthegoodstransportedinUK（intheUK或者intheUnitedKingdom）between(1974)and(2002)(年份和介词不能这样用括号隔开，应把两个括号去掉，或者把词组改写为：from1974to2002,也可以是betweenthetimeperiodof1974and2002),accordingtodifferentwaysoftransportandthetonnestheycarried.
Amongtheselines（主体段描述图形特征时，应以内容来陈述，而非图形的叫法，可以改为：Amongthefourtypesoftransport）,waterandrailbothstartwiththesimilarvalue40milliontonnesat1974（value指的是价值，此处使用不妥；年份前面的介词，不是at。本句可改为：From1974to1978,watertransportedaround40milliontonnesgoodsperyear,whichwasalmostthesameasthequantitycarriedbyrail.）.After4years,theamountsofgoodsthatcarriedbyshiphadanincrease.However,theamountsthat（后面的成分可以作为amounts的后置修饰语，所以这里不用添加that，不必试图写从句，否则变成了一个病句）transportedbytrains（通过某种交通方式，by后面的名词一般是单数形式，byrailway即可）wentdown.Tho